Try again!

It has been a long time since I made an entry here, which I admit is one of the problems I have with writing. And I might add most of my ideas to improve my life. That is that they are diffuse and intermittent, with great emphasis on being intermittent.

Therefore I have been thinking lately on how I can take my thinking which is diffuse (unorganized mostly but lacking concentration) and intermittent (obviously given the length of time since I’ve posted here that is given) and convert them to something that is both concentrated and consistent.

Obviously, given my lack of training in this area, most of my efforts have been at best ineffectual. That is what some of my earlier writing on issues such as outlining an organizational tools has dealt with. And to be honest I still lack even those basic tools. Which makes making the next step in the effort even more difficult for in many ways I am still in a playpen watching everyone around me run and have fun and not only do I have no way I can see to escape the playpen but there has been an active effort by some to make sure I don’t leave that playpen.

Some of my efforts here have been writing about that very issue, that is leaving the playpen, the safe space if you will. For if one were to redefine safe spaces as playpens where you never allowed yourself (for it is my experience that for all of the outside influences I fight the worst enemy I have in all of my effort is myself) to experience either victory or defeat in the hope of avoiding defeat. But I have found this: If your focus is on defeat, that is what you experience, no matter how hard you try to avoid it. So how do I who have all of my life focused on avoiding defeat change my focus to achieving victory. I mean that is terrifying! If I fail badly now while not even really crawling, what will my failures when running look and feel like.

Yet I do not any longer wish to be constrained to the prison I and others have kept me in for all of my life. Where do I go from here?

First I’m going to listen to this speach again. If you have come here from somewhere else and maybe this is the first time you’ve thought about what is in my blog, then I urge you to start arguing to 100 in your life rather than arguing to zero!