It has been a long time since I made an entry here, which I admit is
one of the problems I have with writing. And I might add most of my
ideas to improve my life. That is that they are diffuse and
intermittent, with great emphasis on being intermittent.
Therefore I have
been thinking lately on how I can take my thinking which is diffuse
(unorganized mostly but lacking concentration) and intermittent
(obviously given the length of time since I’ve posted here that is
given) and convert them to something that is both concentrated and
consistent.
Obviously, given my
lack of training in this area, most of my efforts have been at best
ineffectual. That is what some of my earlier writing on issues such
as outlining an organizational tools has dealt with. And to be honest
I still lack even those basic tools. Which makes making the next step
in the effort even more difficult for in many ways I am still in a
playpen watching everyone around me run and have fun and not only do
I have no way I can see to escape the playpen but there has been an
active effort by some to make sure I don’t leave that playpen.
Some of my efforts
here have been writing about that very issue, that is leaving the
playpen, the safe space if you will. For if one were to redefine safe
spaces as playpens where you never allowed yourself (for it is my
experience that for all of the outside influences I fight the worst
enemy I have in all of my effort is myself) to experience either
victory or defeat in the hope of avoiding defeat. But I have found
this: If your focus is on defeat, that is what you experience, no
matter how hard you try to avoid it. So how do I who have all of my
life focused on avoiding defeat change my focus to achieving victory.
I mean that is terrifying! If I fail badly now while not even really
crawling, what will my failures when running look and feel like.
Yet I do not any
longer wish to be constrained to the prison I and others have kept me
in for all of my life. Where do I go from here?
First I’m going to
listen to this speach
again. If you have come here from somewhere else and maybe this is
the first time you’ve thought about what is in my blog, then I urge
you to start arguing to 100 in your life rather than arguing to zero!
